Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
