you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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