i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
