where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
