there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
