I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
