Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
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She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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