remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
