Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
