he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
