Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
