How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
