He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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