She's JV to your varsity
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
