he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
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