I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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