well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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