guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
