just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
