i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
