I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
