Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
