I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
