8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
