Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
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