She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
