carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
