i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
