you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
