ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Randomize
