I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
