ugly people sure do ruin things
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
where are you?
Hypothermia
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
