I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize