I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
