Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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