Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
