so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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