dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My feet surprised me
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