My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
