I want to have your abortion
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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