I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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