There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
