pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Blow job season was short but glorious.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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