She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
