Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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