Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
