I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
