You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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