This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
