Whod you bang
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
