Plan B is the new Plan A
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
