Hey man sorry I got all grabby
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
