You made me cry and you don't even care
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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