it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
