Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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