I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
