so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
