Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
