she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
