OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
