My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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