So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
