I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
