During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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