someone threw a dead crab at me
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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