You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
