She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
