smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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