Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.

(214): View more from Texas

If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"

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(214): Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window. (214): If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day" http://tfl.nu/2bzp

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(573): View more from Missouri

Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.

(573): View more from Missouri

I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.

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(573): Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever. (573): I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that. http://tfl.nu/43y6

Replies (22) Good night (5276) Bad night (613)
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(314): View more from Missouri

i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes

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(314): i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes http://tfl.nu/8fav

Replies (17) Good night (982) Bad night (5350)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened

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(717): i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened http://tfl.nu/tpah

Replies (13) Good night (6273) Bad night (1083)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina

(1-973): View more from New Jersey

wtf

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(973): yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina (1-973): wtf http://tfl.nu/idhw

Replies (18) Good night (1335) Bad night (5345)
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(802): View more from Vermont

Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade

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(802): Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade http://tfl.nu/ve1a

Replies (22) Good night (1990) Bad night (3330)
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(619): View more from California

Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.

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(619): Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time. http://tfl.nu/4w7h

Replies (21) Good night (2683) Bad night (1241)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.

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(608): A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood. http://tfl.nu/4fl8

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(631): View more from New York

The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.

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(631): The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason. http://tfl.nu/mydy

Replies (10) Good night (2926) Bad night (1495)
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(831): View more from California

oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.

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(831): oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK. http://tfl.nu/xtip

Replies (12) Good night (644) Bad night (2084)
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(614): View more from Ohio

Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.

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(614): Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm. http://tfl.nu/3dw9

Replies (22) Good night (1855) Bad night (660)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."

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(270): It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.." http://tfl.nu/em6p

Replies (5) Good night (4631) Bad night (680)
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.

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(321): I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see. http://tfl.nu/2cw0

Replies (3) Good night (854) Bad night (459)
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(540): View more from Virginia

I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back

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(540): I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back http://tfl.nu/d3ys

Replies (5) Good night (881) Bad night (400)
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(+61): View more from Australia

In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm

(1+61): View more from

At least it wasn't your drinking arm

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(+61): In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm (1+61): At least it wasn't your drinking arm http://tfl.nu/wwzo

Replies (2) Good night (624) Bad night (239)

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