So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought