me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.