How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots