My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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