my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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