I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
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